When I logged in I had an entry in mind; stuff I wanted say... But when it came down to actually typing anything, apathy so quickly took over.
So. Instead of what wouldn't have amounted to a particularly interesting entry anyway, I'll only say that buttons are coming as soon as I can convince myself to do the layouts for them.
Which will hopefully be soon.

I've got a few new projects in the works. The one I'm most excited about will (eventually) require the use of other peoples' body parts. It's a lot less pervy than it sounds. I need to track down one of the so far elusive key ingredients and do a wee bit of experimenting. I've done work in this medium before and I feel as though I have a fairly good handle on it... Of course this means something will go horribly, horribly wrong. Of course.
I have enough plans for this to be a medium I do quite a bit of work in. If it goes well, there is the possibility of doing some pieces for charity/research donations too.

Less than 19 hours to go. Is it any surprise it's not done?
There's less to do than I tend to let on, but still... it's not done
The tentative plan is still to make the site live at midnight.

This is the first birthday in over seven years that I'm actually looking forward to. There's so much stuff going on right now that I'm glad to be doing, glad to be a part of, that I can't not look forward to everything, good and bad.

Sometimes I surprise myself in how fast I can throw a website together.
Essentially the website is done, graphics included. Really, all that's left is to repeat chunks of code as necessary (like for the gallery page), and to add a few small things. Oh, and to decide final prices for things, which is likely going to be the most difficult part.
I think it's looking really nice. It all fits together quite nicely.
I was going to throw together some kind of temp page since the domain is there, but I don't see much use. Of the few people who know anything about my plan for the site, only two know the address and one knows full well when the site will be live. So... meh.
One week and I'm actually starting to feel the teeniest shreds of confidence about it all.


edited to add:
I finished another doll. She has black with bright blue hair. She doesn't have a name yet.

The fluff stuff for the website is mainly done. Not that that's really something to be too happy about. It's graphic-less, overly simple... fluff. The most involved thing I accomplished tonight was deciding which links to include on the links page.
The other night I took all the pictures that I'll be using for graphics. It'll look pretty swanky when I get it all together. Of course the pictures are still on my camera... still having some major technical difficulties with my computer. I'm still taking pictures, but that's the least time consuming part of it. Touching up, cropping, and editing is what takes all the time. Not to mention getting them web ready.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Only 12 days left.
Any way I slice it, this is going to end with frustration.

Last night M. told me that I scare him.
I think he scares too easily.

Goddamn. I feel like I can't breathe. My self-set deadline is hurtling towards me faster than I care to think about... Mostly because thinking about it brings on a state of panic and the aforementioned breathing difficulties. I get dizzy thinking about this.
Some of the pictures I'm working towards require a lot of prep work. Last night I spent about 4 hours painting a background for a picture... With that background piece finished, I only have to do 3 more. Oh yeah, and that picture will be only one piece of a larger work; hopefully 6+ pictures. I must be crazy. Because of all this prep work, I still have next to nothing (finished) to show. Technical difficulties are another factor.
All the stuff I do have done, pictures and website stuff, is still on M.'s computer. The hard drive that's in my computer right now isn't staying. I could install all my immediately necessary programs and get some work done on that end, but I'd have to go through everything all over again when the hd is replaced (fingers crossed that that will happen on Thursday).
Maybe I'm just being a whiny baby and letting little things get in my way.
Probably has something to do with what I mentioned in the last entry.

I have less than one month left to kick life into you.
I've been working slowly; procrastinating a lot, possibly even being hesitant about finishing certain projects. Once a project is done... it's done. There's a certain kind of death in completion.

I'm so tired, but I'm riding an emotional high that I wanted to put into words before I head off to sleep.
So tonight a comment was made by someone that she wants to ask me to make her a doll, but she's worried she can't afford me.
Wow.
Ok, I decided after making the first doll (Cassidy, so named by the person who made the above comment), that I wouldn't be making ones like that to sell. Perhaps a scaled down version, but those ones are simply too labour intensive and time consuming. I do enjoy making them, but for all the work that goes into them I'd have to charge a ridiculous amount of money and honestly, that's something I'm just not comfortable with. I decided that dolls like that I would only make as gifts for friends; it would have to be something extra special for me to make an exception to that decision.
Ugh. This entry is so disjointed... I'm tired and not thinking as clearly as I'd like to be. I do have a point around here somewhere...
Anyway, I swear this person asked me to make her a doll before, at the Horrorpops show which I brought Cassidy to. I do remember saying yes, and I even remember the colours she wanted for the hair (grey & white, though she may have changed her mind since... yes, my mind really is a steel trap).
This girl being concerned that she couldn't afford my work just blows me away. This girl is a damn fine artist. On the whole, drawing isn't usually a medium that really strikes my fancy, but every drawing of hers that I've seen is beautiful. Even the ones she dismissed as quick sketches are truly amazing. I know I'm not articulating this very well... It just feels really good to know that someone whose work I think so highly of thinks the same about mine.

A photograph should be able to stand on its own. Its content should be enough; it shouldn't need a back-story.
It shouldn't need to be of something significant in order to be significant and therefore remembered and revered.
I have a book, 'Photo Icons - The Story Behind the PIctures Volume 2', that has got me thinking on that topic.
There are 19 pictures in this book (dating 1928-1991), all considered to be highly significant and highly memorable by the editor. Of course it's all merely the opinion of the editor, but I can't help but wonder how many others share this sort of opinion.

The main photographs in this book are as follows (Each chapter shows variants on the main picture and a sampling of the photographers other, less important, work):

Meudon - Andre Kertesz
Spanish Loyalist - Robert Capa
Migrant Mother, Nipomo, California - Dorothea Lange
Mianbocher Corset - Horst P. Horst
Germany - Henri Cartier-Bresson
View From the Dresden City Hall Tower - Richard Peter sen.
Vienna - Ernst Haas
The Kiss in Front of City Hall - Robert Doisneau
James Dean on Times Square - Dennis Stock
Leopoldville - Robert Lebeck
Marilyn's Last Sitting - Bert Stern
Che - Rene Buri
Andy Warhol and the Velvet Underground - Gerard Malanga
Leonid Brezhnev, Willy Brandt, Bonn - Barbara Klemm
They're Coming! - Helmut Newton
Revenge of the Goldfish - Sandy Skoglund
Lisa Lyon - Robert Mapplethorpe
Un Santo Oscuro - Joel-Peter Witkin
Kuwait - Sebastiao Salgado

Let's start with 'Marilyn's Last Sitting' by Bert Stern. One of the pictures from this series, 'Crucifix', is on the cover of the book. It is what caused me to purchase the book. The pictures in that series are all similar: Marilyn Monroe, naked from the waist up, holding various sheer scarves over her breasts. The pictures, which are in colour, aren't bad, but there are certainly stacks of better pictures of her. Her face looks like the life has been sucked out of it, too thin and too pale. The close to lack of make-up, meant to make her look more natural, only serves to emphasize the almost unhealthy look to her face. It's easy to tell how dry her hair was from over-bleaching. Her eyes have taken on a sunken appearance.
Looking at these pictures, the only thing that makes them stand out against all the other pictures of Marilyn is how un-Marilyn she looks in them.
On their own, there is nothing particularly captivating or enchanting about these pictures. Nothing that commands attention. It is only with the addition of a story that there is something special about the pictures.
It's only when we're told that these were the last pictures of her taken while alive that we pause and take a second look, pondering over the little details. On their own, they are actually somewhat boring... It's the story that gives them any significance.

And then it hits me that I'm one of those assholes writing about pictures... I should stop before I hurt myself.
I'm going to leave it as a note to myself to never rely on a story to make a picture great; give it solid enough content to stand on its own.

About a week ago, I saw what would've made for a lovely picture; a white picket fence with a (mostly flourishing) tall bush behind it. The fence was all fucked up, a good portion of the planks had been kicked out, tops broken off, etc. It was a nice contrast to the shrubbery behind it. It was beautiful.
Of course, the weather has been horrible as far as any picture taking is concerned - raining or overly cloudy. So I was waiting for a day when the weather was better... all I needed was a day, or a morning, or an afternoon where the weather was a bit more clear. It didn't have to be nice, just bright. It could've been colder than a witch's tit, so long as the sun was out giving me even a smallish amount of light.
As it turns out it seems the people who own the fence were waiting for a semi-nice day as well. Though they weren't waiting for a day to immortalize the loveliness of their fence in a photograph, oh no. They were waiting for a nice day so they could tear it down! The selfish bastards! They ruined it before I could get my picture! ARRGGGGGHHHHHH! Now it's a bush with some freshly turned dirt in front of it.

*staples hand to forehead*
Life is sooooooooooooo unfair.

"... a woman is beautiful by her scars."
- Diana Vreeland

I haven't gotten around to pretty-ing up this journal yet, not that it matters: no one but me knows (or cares) that it exists. In any event, this is where I'll keep the verbal spewings that in one way or another relate to my visual spewings.

The question that has been plaguing me lately is how do I politely ask someone to allow me to photograph them? Of course, there are several things that make this question difficult...
As far as I know, this person hasn't done/isn't interested in any type of modeling. I can't presently offer any sort of monetary compensation. The reason I want to photograph this person is that they have certain physical characteristics that I find both fascinating and atypically beautiful. I should stress that I don't find them beautiful for any sort of fetish/sexual reasons.
I have no idea if this person sees these characteristics as beautiful or not, nor do I have any idea of their level of comfort with said characteristics. I think (hope) this person would understand that my wanting to photograph them is not motivated by any desire to exploit them... But who knows. It may be seen as that.
Therein lies the biggest possible harm in asking: It may be taken the wrong way. It may end in bitterness and hurt feelings and I certainly don't want to be the cause of either. Nor do I want to make this person feel uncomfortable or on the spot about it.
What's the protocol for this?!?! Does Hallmark make a card I could give this person?
Fuck!
I've been going back and forth on this matter for a few days now and am no closer to a decision than when I started.
The glimmer of hope I see is caused by a comment this person made in regards to the positive aspect of showing these sorts of physical characteristics (and more specifically their own characteristics) in a beautiful and/or sexual manner. But even with that comment in mind... I still feel a bit apprehensive about asking.